Reading my last post about the perfectly aligned stars in my life, I realize I am not really painting a full picture for anyone — least of all myself. I like to think I tend towards pathological optimism, because there is supposed to be a benefit to this mindset… putting good energy into the universe and what comes back to you and all that.
But of course, like the pathological liar who on occasion speaks the truth, this pathological optimist has moments of pessimism. There are clouds that block the sun from time to time: parenting is hard. Harder than I thought. I want to be a reservoir of love, patience, and wisdom that my kids can come to, to recharge their souls as they battle their way to adulthood. Instead there are days where I feel more like a vampire slowly draining their spirits in an effort to get them to not behave like monkeys in our house. It’s a fine line that I am not always sure I am negotiating very well.
Keeping up healthy eating habits is also hard. All of my old bad habits have been coming back to haunt me in the past month or so. Traveling always creates a challenge, because I am a big believer that an important part of immersing yourself in another place, in another culture, is enjoying their traditional foods. And that is fine. A week or two of indulgence shouldn’t completely derail me. And yet it sort of has. I am snacking at night, finding too many reasons to have a beer here, a glass of wine there. I worked too hard earlier this year to lose weight to start letting it creep back on.
So starting today, I am making a few simple pledges to myself:
1. I promise to take a deep breath (or two) before raising my voice with the kids. I will keep telling myself that I am doing my best as a parent, and that my best is good enough.
2. I will allow myself a reasonable small snack after dinner and that is it. If I want to keep munching, just GO TO BED. I will keep reminding myself to take good care of me, because a healthy me is a happier me. And that is good for everyone.
3. I will keep choosing optimism. Because I actually do believe what I said about putting good energy into the universe, and what comes back to you, and all that.